Missing-Baggage Hell continued...
After 72 hours, no-one had contacted me and nothing had arrived, so I called the hotline number.
Now I don't know if you've ever had to call British Airways' baggage-line but believe me, I'd wager you will never, never, never have a more frustrating experience.
It's as if there's just one solitary line - either that or there's a massively large amount of missing luggage.
Every time I called, I got a recorded message asking me to call back later due to high call-volumes.
That's high call-volumes first thing in the morning at 6.30am, high call-volumes at 10am, high call-volumes at 11am and high call-volumes every hour of the day right up until 7.30pm when I finally got through... to another recorded message that told me that BA were thankful for my patience and my call would be answered shortly.
But after 45 minutes of 'shortly' (hardly a short wait in my books) I gave up.
That was on the Tuesday but much the same happened the following day - multiple calls until, eventually, I got through - to another recorded message.
But, amazingly, after holding for some 20 minutes, I did at last have the privilege of speaking with another human being, who had some very interesting things to tell me.
First, although my bags were checked in Taipei, there was no record of them in the system. No, not just my missing bag - there was no record of any of my bags, even the ones that did arrive safely!
So, according to British Airways' staff, and I quote, my bag "could be anywhere between here and Taipei".
Fact is it seemed to me, that the guy at BA seemed genuinely relieved that I'd managed to get any bags back at all.
Although I was in my own way quite pleased for him, by now I was now starting to think less of the contents of the missing bag and rather more about the security implications of none of my bags being on record.
I thought that BA, like other airlines, had a policy of not taking off until all the passengers who checked-in were matched with the luggage in the hold of the plane - the better to stop terrorist bombers.
If that is really is what they're supposed to be doing, it seems to me that the company is singularly inept. If it can't keep tabs on the bags that are supposed to be onboard, how the hell is it supposed to keep off the bags that aren't?
Putting aside worries about bombs, I was assured that messages would be sent to Taipei and Hong Kong and would result in people going out to hunt for my bag. Oh, and could I call back tomorrow?
I asked when would be a good time to call back - explaining that I'd had a nightmare getting through - and the reply was to just keep trying. Great!
So I called back the next day and soon started wondering how long it would be before the redial button wore out and I'd need a new phone.
Eventually, though, I did get through - this time to a different chap who was much more realistic.
As I was expecting, I was told that nothing had turned up and informed that all I could do was wait.
So I asked how the process actually worked - how my bag could've been lost and how it would be found - and I promise you, you're not going to believe the answer:
"What happens is some people will go out
and look for
the bag. Usually they sweep the areas where bags might be every hour or
so and collect left behind bags. But in your case the bag might have
lost its tag so we'll have to get them to go and check the places they
keep tagless bags. I'd give it another 48 hours before calling us
again".
So what he was saying is that a bloke just goes out and has a look around. How technical is that?
The thing is, because my bag disappeared from the system, no-one knows quite where to look. Since I have two of my three bags, it'd be a fair assumption that the other one is in Heathrow somewhere.
As this screen-grab of their online tracking service shows, the location of my bag is anybodies' guess...
It's been like this since the bag was missing...But, there again, seeing as, officially, I checked three phantom bags, they've really no idea where it is.
So, I waited a further 48 hours and rang back once again and got a more definite answer.
This third and final call told me all I needed to know about what happens when a bag goes missing, which is to pretty much kiss it goodbye.
Normally, I was told, any delayed bags will be found within 72 hours and then returned to their owners.
So, what do I do? The 72 hours has already passed. Just wait, I was told and don't bother calling anymore.
If, after a certain amount of time, the bag has not shown up, I can them claim it as lost.
Just how long is that certain amount of time between loss and claiming?
Forty-five days!
Forty-five days? Yup, he wasn't kidding me and I'm not kidding you. That's what it says on the lost-baggage form - forty-five bloody days!
Ordinarily, losing a bit of luggage would be an inconvenience - perhaps a major one if the bag contained all your clothes and travelling kit and you were left abroad having to buy new.
Well, I didn't have quite that problem - though I did need to get some replacements. Trouble is, there were some things in the bag that were irreplaceable.
You see, I'm a journalist and I'd been returning from a lengthy trade show.
So, it wasn't just clothes and other personal items that had gone AWOL, it was a whole lot of time-sensitive information.
The bag contained press kits, product brochures and even samples of tech gadgetry. All are probably lost for good but even if they do turn up, they'll be next to useless because they won't be newsworthy for much longer.
Given my experience, I now have to question just which particular elements of British Airways' service makes it the "the world's favourite"?
I mean, you could say that Ebola is "the world's favourite" if you were compiling a list of flesh-eating viruses.
Or you could claim that genital herpes is "the world's favourite" if you were talking about incurable STDs.
So just what is British Airways "the world's favourite airline" for?
Is it for a tracking system and a claims line that are utterly useless? Or is it for light-fingered baggage handlers? Or, perhaps, a combination of all three?
One thing is for sure, if I am forced to fly with British Airways ever again, I'll want plenty of warning.
I need time to grow a beard and change my name to Mohammed Al'Jihad.
I'll then check in dressed in a combat jacket and have a copy of the Koran tucked under one arm.
In theory, that should mean my luggage will be kept a very close eye on and may even result in me seeing it again at the other end. Though, truth is, I'd still not place a bet on that.
Oh, one more thing. If you do happen to be a flying any time soon, I'd appreciate your keeping a look out for me - it was a large, blue sport bag with wheels and two side pockets.
Of course, if you happen to bump into a baggage handler with an uncanny knowledge of the latest technology in Taiwan, I'd like to know about that, too.
Time elapsed between the time BA lost my baggage and failed to even be able to tell me where it is:
11 Days, 4 Hours, 31 Minutes
11 Days, 4 Hours, 31 Minutes
As you can see, the clock was stopped - because BA did eventually locate my luggage.
So, we started another one running to see how long it would take for it to eventually be returned to me...